27 April 2007

All About Perspective

I’ve been stressing myself out for the last few months. I don’t do the waiting thing well; and well, I’ve been waiting for the same thing to happen since last September. I am of course talking about the surgery. I thought that once I decided to have it done everything would move along super smoothly and super quickly. I’d assumed that the 18 months I’d spent at Weight Watchers would be a good thing for the pre-surgery process. My assumption, like many, was incorrect.

I put in my time with the nutritionist and while the time seemed to drag along I anticipated everything moving super fast and super smoothly once I completed that task. Again, anticipation = assumption in this case. Again, time is dragging. There was the wait to see the PCP to request the visit to the surgeon. I then had to wait for the IPA to deny that request and re-route me to the psychologist, and then the wait two weeks to see the psychologist. The next wait, which we just cleared this past Tuesday was to get the hard copy of the psychologist’s report so that I could get the PCP to resubmit to the IPA for the visit to the surgeon. So, now that my PCP has submitted to the IPA again for my request to see the surgeon I am waiting while it’s “in process.” It’s maddening really, because after I clear this hurdle there will be more waiting. To see the surgeon for the initial consultation. To get approvals for the pre-op testing. To get approval for the actual surgery…and finally for the surgery date, but that’s getting a bit ahead of myself.

So, I spoke to a friend last night who inquired about where I am in the process and I explained and she said all the right things about insurance companies and unnecessary steps and the long-ness of my wait. And then she asked: Well, how long has it been since this all started? I said, Well, I started “the process” in September, but I finished with the nutritionist in March, so it’s been over a month….well, actually just a five weeks. And I realized that in the grand scheme of things five weeks is not all that long even though I would have liked to have had it done in less time than that. It’s all about perspective right? I have my reasons for rushing through this process, but I see that I really haven’t been waiting all that long. And two months isn’t really a very long time to change your life, is it? It’s a matter of perspective, right?

So, in all my stress-filled waiting I’ve been knitting up a storm. I’ve been working on gifts, lots and lots of gifts. I vaguely remember stating that after the last round of gifts I would only be knitting for self, but I haven’t followed through on that. So, this week, I started the Shetland Triangle from Wrap Style. It’s to be a Mother’s Day gift for my mother if I can get it done on time. There are 80 rows of the body and I’m in the 50s I believe. It’s moving very quickly and I’m thinking I might actually pull it off. I’m concerned about the blocking, but I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. I am also three repeats away from the conclusion of the knitting portion of the wash cloths, then just a bit of weaving in of ends. I’ve made it a habit in recent years to make gifts for the important women in my life that are mothers. I just can’t do it this year. I’m mentally and emotionally drained and just don’t have the time or money….perhaps I’ll find cards and get them in the mail on time.

Pictures will soon follow…I just need to find that disc with the drivers for the camera.


Anonymous daniella said...

ooh Ill help you block that beautiful shawl! piece of cake.
What a sigh of relief when all of this waiting is over..you have so much courage!

28 April, 2007 03:50  

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