22 April 2007

Me? Over-reacting?

In re-reading the last post I got to thinking about how others would read it. Would you think that I was over-reacting to an innocuous statement? Would you understand why I found that statement and the ones that followed--that I did not share--so offensive? I figured probably not. I'll try to explain.

I'm pretty guarded. I don't let people in. I've got walls...lots and lots of walls. Every once in a while I'll let down my defenses and feel new people in my life out. This woman that I'm referring to wouldn't be someone that I would seek out to form a relationship with. The only things we have in common are our year of birth and job function. Beyond that we've got completely different lives. I thought this would make for an interesting exchange. I thought there would be some things to learn from her, and I did about cooking, but that was pretty much it. When I explained my relationship with my mother to her I don't remember why the subject had even been raised, and it's really one of those things that I'm no longer so guarded about. My issue is that I believe she felt it was something she could use to get under my skin...to hurt me with. It's all about the intention behind the words.

I've had several people do this very thing to me since I moved here from NY. I have excused these instances, but I will never forget the things that were said or how those things made me feel. Let me give you an example. There was a young woman, late 20s, who would confide in me about her sexual life...or lack thereof. She was a virgin at 28. I was a late bloomer and tried to put her at ease about it. I tried to let her know that there was absolutely nothing wrong with her or the fact that she'd chosen to wait. I'd also shared some of my own experiences with her. Well, she finally gave it up to some guy and they had a budding relationship. She calls me one day and says: I was bad last night? I tell her I'm not in a position to talk. She continues as if I haven't just said I can't talk. So, she starts this story about drinks after work and a parking lot and being "bad." My question was: Did you sleep with him? She responded, without a pause: No, I'm not you. W? T? F? And my mind ranted on about how insulting that was while my mouth said, Excuse me? And she said, Oh, I'm just joking!

The way I feel/felt: Fuck that. You don't say that kind of shit to someone you call a friend and think you can just laugh it off. I have slowly separated myself from her. I won't bore you with the other occurrences, but that's how the statement from my co-worker felt, like she wanted to hurt me and dug around until she found the thing that she believed would do that if the button was pressed.

Okay, I need to get over this...this...disgust. I've got to work with this woman everyday until I leave this job. If you've got some techniques please let me know. I plan to be as amicable as possible while keeping a good distance from her.

I had my first test in Physics today. I'm tired from the stress of the day. I got a pretty good grade, but far from the highest in the class. The girl that sits next to me did better than I did and she said she didn't study...I should try to cheat off her paper next time. Haha! Just kidding! We sit next to the teacher so it's not possible. ;)

Other than that I have almost finished the socks made from the Sockotta that I got from Christine....they're pretty, but super short. Tonight I'll work on my mother's last warshrag.

Hope you all had a great weekend!
I'll be working on getting pictures posted!


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